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Kittem

Offline (the 03/25/2014 at 10:31pm) | Search for a member

Kittem

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1347
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Kittem's page activity

Visits<b>SakuraStars</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 5:56am<b>marrymarz</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 9:24pm<b>plaguer</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 12:10am

Kittem's FML badges

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Kittem's badges

Kittem's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my parents were artists when they met. My mom said that I was one of their best projects yet. My sister, hearing what my mother said, broke my week-old PS3 in a rage. FML

#20699851
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47377) - you deserved it (3390)

On 06/01/2013 at 7:31pm - misc - by H1dd3n (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

#20698730
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60410) - you deserved it (2970)

On 06/01/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by regstl - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65647) - you deserved it (18713)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47223) - you deserved it (3915)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

#20692668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65887) - you deserved it (3580)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:31am - misc - by :) - United States

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29393) - you deserved it (53428)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

#20691781
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22921) - you deserved it (47502)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm - work - by Amber - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

#20691071
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63280) - you deserved it (14410)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was stuck home with a cold when my boyfriend's best friend sent me a text saying, "You doing alright?" I replied, thinking he was talking about my health. He replied, "I'm surprised you're taking the breakup so well." What breakup? Mine. He was ten minutes too soon. FML

#20690777
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54564) - you deserved it (3072)

On 05/28/2013 at 4:09am - love - by really? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML

#20690744
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35651) - you deserved it (9102)

On 05/28/2013 at 3:11am - work - by Olerbia - United States

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55895) - you deserved it (32888)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a girl at my tanning salon was ranting about how expensive it was and how she wished there was a cheaper way to get a tan. I joked, "Like from the sun?" She angrily called me a "sassy bitch", screamed to my boss about me, and then threatened to sue us when he kicked her out. FML

#20689621
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45917) - you deserved it (4032)

On 05/27/2013 at 4:18pm - work - by fuck you retail (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

#20688373
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47465) - you deserved it (10053)

On 05/26/2013 at 11:14pm - love - by JJLight (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

#20688045
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43562) - you deserved it (7434)

On 05/26/2013 at 8:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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The whole blog

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