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About King_paradox : I'm a wizim
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King_paradox's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/18/2014 at 6:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
by steak through the heart / 11/18/2014 at 1:57pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML
by drugsforthugs / 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2014 at 10:44pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML
by really / 11/06/2014 at 7:30pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend came home from college for the first time in weeks just to visit me. I was so excited that I spent two hours getting ready. Turns out he was only coming back to dump me. Now I'm single and out of foundation. FML
by single pringle / 11/04/2014 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by failure / 11/02/2014 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/01/2014 at 2:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and spent ages putting makeup on before going to a nightclub, hoping to meet someone nice. The only person who acknowledged me was a guy who yelled, "Hey, wanna fuck?! Not like anyone else would ever touch you, am I right?!" FML
by Anonymous / 10/22/2014 at 11:06am / Mexico (Nuevo Leon) / Love
by Australian Lifeguard / 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/21/2014 at 11:49am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by adirom / 10/20/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my… Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought…