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KingLewisII's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/19/2016 at 11:01pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML
by loserman67 / 07/18/2016 at 8:04am / Intimacy
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 10:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, me and my dad were in a sort of prank war. I decided to get him back for one last time tonight, so I hid in his office to scare him. This would have been okay had I not caught him watching porn. I had to hide for an hour. FML
by ObviousBooty / 07/17/2016 at 3:31am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I thought my car was overheating. I then thought it was wise to put my hand close to my muffler to feel the heat. Needless to say, I stuck my entire hand on my muffler then had to drive around with the only cold thing in my car. A cold beer from my cooler. Yes, I got pulled over. FML
by leaannec30 / 07/10/2016 at 2:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 12:23pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
by Minnie / 06/12/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 5:02am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/15/2016 at 12:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML
by Angel / 01/13/2016 at 8:56am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiancé and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2016 at 3:53am / Denmark / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my best friend is being sacked. He's also about to rent a new apartment which he won't be able to afford when he loses his job. I can't warn him or I'll breach confidentiality and lose my job as well. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2016 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Work
Today at work, a woman decided to use the changing room as a public toilet, to wipe the urine with the clothes she tried on, then leave the mess along with her soiled underwear and a used maxi pad for me to clean up. FML
by peachass / 12/28/2015 at 11:59pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…