About KingDingALing : My name is Andy.
That's pretty much everything you need to know about me....so yeah...bye.
P.S. Feel free to correct my grammar or spelling. I don't mind. I'm a nice person, but really shy. Even if it doesn't seem like it. Don't be afraid to send me a message.
Here's a list of things that I hate the most:
1) People who replace letters with numbers
2) Ignorant people
3) Pointless arguments
If you do anything of those on purpose to piss me off, I'll stab you until you bleed out.
As you can see, I don't hate many things and it's difficult to make me hate you. Either way, if you piss me off then I'll fucking kill you...
I'm kidding, of course.
Actually, I'm serious...I'll kill you.
:p
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Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30730) - you deserved it (71481)
On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30730) - you deserved it (71481)
On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68946) - you deserved it (16885)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54417) - you deserved it (4818)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:12am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54417) - you deserved it (4818)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:12am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18271) - you deserved it (58266)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (84817) - you deserved it (16568)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52466) - you deserved it (4121)
On 04/23/2009 at 11:51am - work - by helen_ (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59370) - you deserved it (15523)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57676) - you deserved it (6628)
On 04/08/2009 at 11:43pm - animals - by BadBreath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
I agree, your life sucks (80040) - you deserved it (21099)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21586) - you deserved it (48824)
On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (461796) - you deserved it (573667)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While Im brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40310) - you deserved it (20758)
On 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm - misc - by mr.palendrome (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36060) - you deserved it (5022)
On 02/18/2009 at 4:09pm - health - by Kristina (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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