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About KellyIsTheBest32 : I'm very random and incredibly sarcastic.
I like to abreviate things.
I really don't give 2 shits if you spell everything perfectly or not.
But I absolutely fucking can not stand it when ppl type lyk d!z. Or in any variation of that.
I love to dance.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love facebook.
I love Aeropostale.
I love Ramen Noodles
I love cupcakes
I love cookies
I love Nature Valley Granola Bars
I hate eating leftovers.
I can rap Superbass like it's my job.
I never start drama, and I don't like being involved in it. But when other people have drama, it's pretty damn funny.
I only use FML on my phone.
I dream of being a plus sized model and a cat lady.
Some of my favorite shows are Pretty Little Liars, Dance Moms, Jersey Shore, Bad Girls Club, 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom, America's Got Talent, and any of the CSI shows.
I love Glozell and JennaMarbles.
I think that's all you need to know about me.
Peace and Blessings.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML
Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML
Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML
Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML
Friday 17 October 2014