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About KellyIsTheBest32 : I'm very random and incredibly sarcastic.
I like to abreviate things.
I really don't give 2 shits if you spell everything perfectly or not.
But I absolutely fucking can not stand it when ppl type lyk d!z. Or in any variation of that.
I love to dance.
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I love facebook.
I love Aeropostale.
I love Ramen Noodles
I love cupcakes
I love cookies
I love Nature Valley Granola Bars
I hate eating leftovers.
I can rap Superbass like it's my job.
I never start drama, and I don't like being involved in it. But when other people have drama, it's pretty damn funny.
I only use FML on my phone.
I dream of being a plus sized model and a cat lady.
Some of my favorite shows are Pretty Little Liars, Dance Moms, Jersey Shore, Bad Girls Club, 16 and Pregnant/Teen Mom, America's Got Talent, and any of the CSI shows.
I love Glozell and JennaMarbles.
I think that's all you need to know about me.
Peace and Blessings.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, I learned that scorpions can apparently hold their breath for hours, and that doing so makes them angry. I found this out when I removed a scorpion from the bottom of my pool and found that it was not entirely drowned. FML
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML
Monday 18 August 2014