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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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KeenKnifekooner

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KeenKnifekooner
  • Town/Country : Toms River, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 23 May 1994 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 286
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About KeenKnifekooner : fml addict

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KeenKnifekooner's favorite FMLs

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

#3613021 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (14988) - you deserved it (44768)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by sadlife (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a major accident then stopped to help the drivers. I was on my way to a rest stop to use the bathroom so as we were waiting for police I went into the woods and I come out to the police arresting me for public urination. One of the drivers said I was "using the woods for a bathroom." FML

#3528388 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (33109) - you deserved it (2714)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by JMU (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

#3524400 (449)

I agree, your life sucks (42240) - you deserved it (21659)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:51am - love - by dumpedovergame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (52941) - you deserved it (9006)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

#3398607 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (56694) - you deserved it (4802)

On 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by wildthing (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML

#3389802 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (6516) - you deserved it (51590)

On 07/01/2009 at 6:31am - intimacy - by paprikarulz (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML

#3386815 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (76824) - you deserved it (3295)

On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (11458) - you deserved it (36199)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

#3349914 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (9428) - you deserved it (44171)

On 06/29/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by ZZ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

#3333969 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (37116) - you deserved it (8594)

On 06/29/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by merkris (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband of one week lost his wedding ring while we were preparing for a dinner party. After a thorough search and no luck, I started to cry. He told me to quit being a drama queen because we had guests. He then got drunk with his friends, puked on the patio, and called me a bitch. FML

#3302953 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (55842) - you deserved it (7562)

On 06/28/2009 at 12:05pm - love - by honeymoonisover (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went on a blind date a girl from work had set me up with. Apparently my co-worker thinks I'm gay. FML

#3292838 (73)

I agree, your life sucks (37557) - you deserved it (2866)

On 06/28/2009 at 12:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

#3268493 (298)

I agree, your life sucks (88409) - you deserved it (5295)

On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847 (371)

I agree, your life sucks (5703) - you deserved it (82119)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

#3254274 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (35997) - you deserved it (7772)

On 06/26/2009 at 8:29pm - misc - by lifesmells - Canada (Ontario)