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Kdoodha's favorite FMLs
Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2011 at 2:12am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
by skiittlez713 / 05/20/2011 at 4:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/17/2011 at 6:06am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy
by yobruh / 05/17/2011 at 12:54am / Kids
by nightDREAMERms / 04/23/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML
by Alisha / 03/30/2011 at 1:28pm / United Kingdom (Stirling) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
by kingpin7 / 03/30/2011 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
by rowie1311 / 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML
by leeseyxoxo / 03/27/2011 at 2:10am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/23/2011 at 7:50am / United States / Work
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML
by hurley / 02/27/2011 at 5:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Someone / 02/22/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I realize that my cat has figured out how to open the bedroom door by repeatedly jumping and… Today, after not going to the dentist for 4 years, I went and got a check up. I now know there are… Today, at work as a mechanic I was finishing an oil change. The gun that dispenses the oil recoiled…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…