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Kartor's favorite FMLs
Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML
by ineedalife / 02/02/2013 at 7:08am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2012 at 4:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by embarrassed / 01/30/2012 at 10:54pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/30/2012 at 1:36am / Australia (Tasmania) / Transportation
Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML
by Scumbagmemory / 01/21/2012 at 11:17pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by Mini-wanker / 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by whatnot / 08/04/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
by Rejected / 07/16/2011 at 9:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 11:05pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my friends and I got front stage tickets to our favorite band. Being my first concert, we planned to start a small mosh pit in the back. I got knocked out by my bestfriends elbow and was rushed to the hospital, during the first song. FML
by ~Mr.Void / 10/08/2010 at 11:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Health
by ZittyMii / 07/03/2010 at 3:52pm / United States (Colorado) / Geek
by mikeyamazing / 12/28/2009 at 12:00am / Miscellaneous
by yellowjacket_34 / 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Health
- Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed…