Karolina is my name.
:]
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then proceeded to call out my own name by accident. FML
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On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
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On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML
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On 05/02/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by screamo (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
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On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 11:11am - health - by buymeadrank (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML
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On 04/30/2009 at 10:55am - work - by RckRagman (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 7:11pm - health - by crapgirl (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and proceeded to walk up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 10:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 1:39pm - money - by blaise (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?". My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?". Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
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On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML
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On 03/15/2009 at 1:47pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
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On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
