About Kandyland : My life is completely f*ed.
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Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26306) - you deserved it (3321)
On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States
Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12581) - you deserved it (1191)
On 08/06/2012 at 5:37pm - money - by for fucks sake gramps (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I finally realized how depressed I am when I found bubble wrap and didn't feel like popping it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26307) - you deserved it (2105)
On 07/19/2012 at 5:01am - health - by Epiphany (man) - United States
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20594) - you deserved it (3335)
On 06/30/2012 at 2:49am - animals - by BloodFaerie (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17517) - you deserved it (1061)
On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14652) - you deserved it (1963)
On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)
Today, I saw a text message on my husband's phone from a "Candice", asking him if he and his wife are still separated, followed by an invitation to spend the night. I never knew we were separated in the first place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31695) - you deserved it (1841)
On 06/04/2012 at 2:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12593) - you deserved it (2033)
On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)
Today, I went to a new deli in town. While waiting in line, I hadn't made up my mind on what to order, so I let the guy behind me go instead. Turns out he was the hundredth customer, and they gave him his lunch for free. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (6217)
On 04/08/2012 at 1:18pm - money - by kirsty - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9466) - you deserved it (12156)
On 04/06/2012 at 11:41pm - love - by Amber C - United States
Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16049) - you deserved it (2530)
On 03/31/2012 at 12:22am - health - by GetHardOrGoHome - United States (Ohio)
Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23466) - you deserved it (2332)
On 12/23/2011 at 9:24pm - love - by unwanted (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23936) - you deserved it (1378)
On 12/15/2011 at 10:16pm - misc - by metallicatime - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26895) - you deserved it (2871)
On 12/09/2011 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35697) - you deserved it (2934)
On 12/08/2011 at 3:41pm - money - by Dante178 (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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