Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

KM96

Search for a member

KM96
  • Town/Country : Where ever
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 665
  • Number of comments : 302
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 32 posted

About KM96 : I enjoy reading FMLs of course :P

I love ...
Music
Dance
Purple
Animals
Family
Friends
Katy Perry
Taylor Swift
Miranda - the TV show
Kath and Kim
Movies
The Mentalist
Castle

I don't like ...
School (but I work hard anyway)
Arrogant people
Public toilets
Horrible smells
People that smoke
Homework
Sci-Fi

Well have a good day :) Message me! Well if u want, but I'm on my phone so won't reply fast :D

KM96's last visitors

gary3768MornaiSillyGirl4602oneforceonelexxiiiHKCgrimmjowbwzwally8Pitbull305

KM96's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of KM96's badges

KM96's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27990) - you deserved it (16884)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

#20724048
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43063) - you deserved it (2747)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm - misc - by thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

#20700571
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45347) - you deserved it (5243)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by sleepy momma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

#20695159
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54793) - you deserved it (4104)

On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML

#20694826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42730) - you deserved it (3367)

On 05/30/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by windshitwipers (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

#20692668
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59262) - you deserved it (2954)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:31am - misc - by :) - United States

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

#20692497
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48886) - you deserved it (4742)

On 05/29/2013 at 12:49am - money - by $$$ - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

#20688489
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49858) - you deserved it (3223)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by scared-straight - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

#20684997
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65916) - you deserved it (3931)

On 05/25/2013 at 2:55am - love - by lizzie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

#20672246
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39516) - you deserved it (22823)

On 05/19/2013 at 1:26am - misc - by Devin - United States

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

#20669510
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37658) - you deserved it (9211)

On 05/17/2013 at 6:28pm - misc - by well great. - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

#20662624
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50504) - you deserved it (3303)

On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44563) - you deserved it (6101)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69805) - you deserved it (3085)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40559) - you deserved it (2323)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)



Max Grünfeld's illustrated FML

Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Worst Sisters Ever
  • Growing up with a sister can be a good thing. If you're a guy, it can teach you about girls and how to interact with them so you won't grow up to be a sexist idiot who's afraid of women and who can only…

Monday 17 June 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: