About KBurns207 : I'm a pizza delivery driver. I produce music in my free time. I'm the one holding the camera in my photo. It was taken at Versailles in France and it was bright as hell out. My dreams are to one day be a respected producer and I take online production classes when I can. I love music, dirtbikes, and laughing. I'm an extremely honest person (Some might even say blunt). I've got a very rare disease called Recurrent Respiratory Papillomatosis and have had 40+ surgeries to remove tumors since the age of 15. I have an amazing girlfriend who's with me every step of the way. The experience has changed my outlook on life significantly. Live life to the fullest. You may not have as much time as you think.
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100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
KBurns207's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2009 at 8:54pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
by ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV / 11/07/2009 at 12:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML
by Bewildered / 09/10/2009 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Kids
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
by keeperstride / 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
by crawfo / 08/31/2009 at 9:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by itrustedsnapeallalong / 08/28/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by jellybean_94 / 08/15/2009 at 12:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML
by Momlovesme / 08/07/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML
by Jeremy / 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by fmysexlife / 07/27/2009 at 1:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
by re2K5 / 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm / Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto) / Money
Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
by Best-stuf-on-Earth / 07/12/2009 at 3:07am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
by RachelDC / 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML
by Anonymous / 06/27/2009 at 4:20am / Japan / Transportation
- Today, after struggling with Erectile dysfunction I finally got an erection while my wife was home,… Today, a customer returned a toilet to the store but an associate didn't check it. Later a customer… Today, after writing an exam, going to the gym, cramming, and then an eight our shift as a barista,…