About KBear3109 : My name is Kelli and I'm a 25 year old stay at home mom/housewife. I have 2 little girls that are 3 1/2 years old and 2 1/2 years old. I like reading, watching Netflix, and doing crochet and knitting.
KBear3109's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
KBear3109's favorite FMLs
Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 11:41am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:08am / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/22/2012 at 3:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML
by oops / 07/15/2012 at 1:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by anidiotskeeper / 07/12/2012 at 2:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML
by cutup / 07/11/2012 at 1:54pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
by I_Has_A_Fishy / 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML
by yeastly / 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
by LNamesOnly / 07/09/2012 at 3:31am / Australia / Kids
by Dammit / 07/07/2012 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Health
by totallyembarassed / 07/07/2012 at 12:08am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by CanadianTwin / 07/06/2012 at 2:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by hopeless / 07/06/2012 at 1:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in Rome for Halloween. I went out with few friends and spent the night with a man. The… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…