About KBear3109 : My name is Kelli and I'm a 25 year old stay at home mom/housewife. I have 2 little girls that are 3 1/2 years old and 2 1/2 years old. I like reading, watching Netflix, and doing crochet and knitting.
KBear3109's FML badges
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
KBear3109's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML
by hoaloha / 07/30/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 12:25am / Denmark (Sjelland) / Love
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2012 at 12:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 10:55pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Carrie G. / 07/26/2012 at 8:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by memphis201 / 07/26/2012 at 1:20pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
by Lilragu97 / 07/26/2012 at 1:14am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
by Just Me / 07/26/2012 at 1:04am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML
by Infiltrator4444 / 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by madmomma / 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Unlucky / 07/25/2012 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/25/2012 at 6:54am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML
by xd3box / 07/25/2012 at 12:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
by *facefloor* / 07/24/2012 at 4:08pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m at this huge beach party in Thailand. I kiss a beautiful girl and decide to take it to… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…