About KBear3109 : My name is Kelli and I'm a 25 year old stay at home mom/housewife. I have 2 little girls that are 3 1/2 years old and 2 1/2 years old. I like reading, watching Netflix, and doing crochet and knitting.
KBear3109's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
KBear3109's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML
by oh gee / 05/02/2016 at 1:01am / Intimacy
Today, I took my boyfriend of 2 years on a family vacation to meet my family for the first time. We all got really drunk and he made out with my dad. This was day one and we don't fly back for another 16 days. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2016 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML
by buxton1 / 02/18/2013 at 3:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by anon / 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Tymer / 11/23/2012 at 10:56am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Jeanna S. / 11/23/2012 at 10:10am / United States / Animals
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Animals
by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE / 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML
by Mmkay1515 / 11/12/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by pheebs314 / 11/07/2012 at 4:16pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML
by kat / 10/31/2012 at 7:30am / United States (Florida) / Work
by CutestBoysEver / 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML
by cupnoodles / 10/28/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (New York) / Love
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML
by leaftheerickson / 10/21/2012 at 6:31am / United States (New York) / Health