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JuviNotesx

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JuviNotesx

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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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JuviNotesx's favorite FMLs

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43229) - you deserved it (5249)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

#20940427
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47013) - you deserved it (3118)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

#20900063
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43258) - you deserved it (4094)

On 09/29/2013 at 1:45am - misc - by -__-" - United States (Washington)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54840) - you deserved it (27555)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I was playing World of Warcraft, when all of a sudden, I remembered I was supposed to be at a wedding. I was 25 minutes late to my own wedding. FML

#20880446
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22164) - you deserved it (89016)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41396) - you deserved it (4587)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

#20833166
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48703) - you deserved it (5978)

On 08/12/2013 at 12:49am - love - by WTF? (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

#20809215
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50003) - you deserved it (7417)

On 07/29/2013 at 2:35am - love - by confusedmofo - Indonesia

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

#20778979
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63458) - you deserved it (4737)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:22am - love - by Stacy (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

#20777956
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45143) - you deserved it (5897)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52374) - you deserved it (9086)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

#20759842
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43896) - you deserved it (4287)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:39pm - health - by good big sister? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

#20745866
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49334) - you deserved it (8732)

On 06/25/2013 at 2:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I finally unfriended my roommate's mom on Facebook after months of her commenting on my wall multiple times a day and basically stalking me. After discovering this, she drove to our apartment to demand through hysterical tears that my roommate move out because I can't be trusted. FML



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