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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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JustinKingr

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JustinKingr
  • Town/Country : Manning, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 27 July 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 899
  • Number of comments : 57
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

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JustinKingr's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260 (745)

I agree, your life sucks (58481) - you deserved it (10924)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397 (333)

I agree, your life sucks (28799) - you deserved it (7269)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

#12975254 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (25766) - you deserved it (2611)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

#12438405 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (23394) - you deserved it (6145)

On 08/10/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by verno02 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML

#9102877 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (7446) - you deserved it (12733)

On 03/15/2010 at 1:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not attractive enough. FML

#9069427 (208)

I agree, your life sucks (18390) - you deserved it (2667)

On 03/14/2010 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (14114) - you deserved it (6607)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

#9056198 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (5338) - you deserved it (20353)

On 03/13/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by leapple (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML

#9054929 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (30130) - you deserved it (1569)

On 03/13/2010 at 7:27pm - love - by hurt (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (5764) - you deserved it (20863)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

#8643603 (197)

I agree, your life sucks (18312) - you deserved it (4353)

On 02/25/2010 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by ryan and Zack - United States (Michigan)

Today, while in bed with my game obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML

#8455591 (284)

I agree, your life sucks (11225) - you deserved it (3845)

On 02/19/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

#8430950 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (14639) - you deserved it (12067)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - kids - by ohemgee23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

#8406793 (204)

I agree, your life sucks (8878) - you deserved it (2940)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by goldie09 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072 (323)

I agree, your life sucks (12080) - you deserved it (3159)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)