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100 kick ass comments
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JustDerpin's favorite FMLs
Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML
by Anonymous / 03/02/2010 at 9:37pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, while at McDonald's, I saw an 8 year old girl licking a life-size Ronald McDonald sitting on a bench. Being concerned, I told her mother who then yelled at me for 10 minutes for being a "paedophile" and "being turned on by an 8 year old girl." FML
by JackG / 03/02/2010 at 8:20pm / United States (Montana) / Kids
by Vastu / 02/07/2010 at 12:42pm / Nepal / Money
by mcdman / 01/19/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by mylifeissad / 12/29/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML
by xMiSS_CuTiEx / 12/27/2009 at 5:25pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML
by johnG / 12/21/2009 at 10:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML
by cheaters_should_die / 12/18/2009 at 9:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 8:27am / United States (Florida) / Love
by yomamma787 / 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML
by frenchgirl / 11/23/2009 at 1:59am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML
by Klepto / 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML
by Kassiopia / 11/14/2009 at 7:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML
by JC / 10/22/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…