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JubileeBee's favorite FMLs
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by SmellyCloset / 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Kids
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML
by great 1st impression / 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous
by her mom raised her / 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm / Mexico / Kids
by romancocks / 05/09/2014 at 4:31pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Fatass / 04/18/2014 at 1:37am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML
by Embarassed / 03/19/2014 at 6:24pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Vermont) / Kids
Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML
by cherbear1000 / 06/17/2013 at 12:33am / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm / New Zealand / Transportation
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous