- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Miss
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : Not so sure
- Number of visits : 455
- Number of comments : 0
- Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted
About Jordan_Smithers : . . .
About Jordan_Smithers : . . .
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
by Amanda / 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm / Canada / Kids
Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
by cjw / 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm / United States / Kids
Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2013 at 12:25am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML
by claytwin / 03/04/2013 at 3:10pm / United States / Health
by parental failure / 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Santa / 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Jordid / 08/19/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML
by sarskii / 08/16/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML
by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML
by Mikey832 / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy