Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Jordan_Smithers

Search for a member

Jordan_Smithers

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 263
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Jordan_Smithers : . . .

Jordan_Smithers's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of Jordan_Smithers's badges

Jordan_Smithers's favorite FMLs

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

#20538066
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49290) - you deserved it (6110)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm - kids - by Amanda - Canada

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37296) - you deserved it (2864)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

#20533607
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55859) - you deserved it (14654)

On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

#20532616
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40999) - you deserved it (3859)

On 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm - kids - by cjw - United States

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44677) - you deserved it (4313)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44796) - you deserved it (6797)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44670) - you deserved it (3896)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

#18495546
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36904) - you deserved it (3919)

On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46893) - you deserved it (14813)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my Mom felt the need to walk around school and tell everyone to be nice to me because I just started my period. FML

#12616520
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56095) - you deserved it (3687)

On 08/19/2010 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Jordid - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

#12566492
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25208) - you deserved it (11909)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

#12566093
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30987) - you deserved it (17675)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by sarskii (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

#12552368
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44134) - you deserved it (4451)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

#12408550
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40851) - you deserved it (13301)

On 08/09/2010 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Mikey832 (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: