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JordanDempsey's favorite FMLs
Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 8:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by uselessdad / 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm / Singapore / Kids
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML
by GirlishMan1883897 / 07/24/2010 at 6:53am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML
by soonaked / 01/29/2010 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2009 at 11:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML
by dammitall / 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my dad was in town for 1 day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dads slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. we talked for 15 minutes. FML
by MacBook / 05/14/2009 at 3:43pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
by blovesg / 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML
by tamponmayhem / 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy