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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 3 October 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9142
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Jonny_Blaze0017 : Life is a gift; that must be why we live in the present
Also- remember to laugh every once in awhile

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Jonny_Blaze0017's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19701) - you deserved it (60243)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (18898) - you deserved it (76224)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by Foster_Em - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15264) - you deserved it (53286)

On 07/03/2009 at 2:19am - work - by Regina (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48360) - you deserved it (22437)

On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by S4L - Sent from mobile version

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML


I agree, your life sucks (76300) - you deserved it (13847)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML


I agree, your life sucks (97810) - you deserved it (7047)

On 06/28/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by steven (man) - Cayman Islands

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML


I agree, your life sucks (67619) - you deserved it (28006)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:05am - kids - by poormom (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML


I agree, your life sucks (91193) - you deserved it (20807)

On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML


I agree, your life sucks (14199) - you deserved it (106038)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML


I agree, your life sucks (56733) - you deserved it (13257)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML


I agree, your life sucks (53886) - you deserved it (3412)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52655) - you deserved it (22009)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12702) - you deserved it (58212)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:08am - intimacy - by ohdeardarling (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

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