Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Jonny_Blaze0017

Search for a member

Jonny_Blaze0017
  • Town/Country : Atlanta, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1248
  • Number of comments : 34
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Jonny_Blaze0017 : Life is a gift; that must be why we live in the present
Also- remember to laugh every once in awhile


P.S.- I'm not the one on the left

Jonny_Blaze0017's last visitors

thebestintheworlda_best_evaOysterPearlsteotsisdroze1389PalindromesquemiiapaigexXNerrrdXx

Jonny_Blaze0017's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of Jonny_Blaze0017's badges

Jonny_Blaze0017's favorite FMLs

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

#13636606
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25313) - you deserved it (11261)

On 10/29/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by mrtut (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

#13570264
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33392) - you deserved it (3433)

On 10/24/2010 at 12:11am - love - by altocrm - Sent from mobile version

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

#13469972
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31011) - you deserved it (6175)

On 10/16/2010 at 8:31am - love - by married (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

#13432324
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32674) - you deserved it (19792)

On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

#13293107
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38920) - you deserved it (9273)

On 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm - kids - by blah blah daddy - United States (California)

Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

#13278835
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16549) - you deserved it (40066)

On 10/01/2010 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by caughtorangehanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

#13045293
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24339) - you deserved it (9206)

On 09/14/2010 at 3:27am - love - by tickyette (woman) - United States

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

#13005397
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33566) - you deserved it (9135)

On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

#12994880
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9379) - you deserved it (33454)

On 09/10/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by charlie043 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML

#12552368
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42012) - you deserved it (4265)

On 08/16/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

#12498801
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30549) - you deserved it (6905)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:14pm - kids - by qtpieo1 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML

#12405087
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33640) - you deserved it (3741)

On 08/09/2010 at 3:07am - intimacy - by hard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend woke up to the flash of a camera. It was his mother taking pictures of my shoe print on his window sill and night stand. She said she was collecting evidence proving I snuck in through his window last night. FML

#12321960
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19337) - you deserved it (8202)

On 08/05/2010 at 12:38am - misc - by AmNot (woman) - United States

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she "likes my lips and wants to rape me." FML

#12304319
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36044) - you deserved it (3484)

On 08/04/2010 at 3:58am - intimacy - by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

#12082068
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16359) - you deserved it (66361)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:53am - misc - by GirlishMan1883897 (man) - United States (Connecticut)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: