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About Jonny_Blaze0017 : Life is a gift; that must be why we live in the present
Also- remember to laugh every once in awhile
P.S.- I'm not the one on the left
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Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML
Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML
Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
Friday 19 December 2014