About JohnzSexyMamas11 : Im A Pretty Laid Back Chick .. iLove Shopping & Texting & Messaging & iLove Reading Books That Make Me Laugh So Much That iCry .. iLove My Lil Puppy She Is A Pain Though .. iLove Haters & iLove Dinosaurs & Hello Kitty .. iWatch Tv Alot Cause iDont Go To School iAm Home Schooled & iLike Walking Around My Houses .. iCan Be An Outrageous Girl .. iDont Care Who You Are Ill Say What iWant If You Dont Like It Then You Know Where The Door Is :) .. iLove Neon Colors & Pink & Red & Black & Grey & Purple & White .. iLove Rock, Country, Hip Hop, Well All Kinds Except Jazz & Blues .. iHave Lots Of Blonde Moments Lmao .. iLove Zebra Print & Leopard Print .. iLove Drawing & Writing Letter .. If You Wanna Know Anything Else Just Ask
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Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15502) - you deserved it (9825)
On 08/19/2010 at 12:10am - health - by Sleeeeeep - Sent from mobile version
Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62914) - you deserved it (3132)
On 08/03/2010 at 8:11am - love - by Broken (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)
Today, I tried to cut layers in my beautiful long hair. I ended up giving myself a mullet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8512) - you deserved it (59338)
On 06/15/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by heyfuckyouthen (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39362) - you deserved it (10319)
On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32027) - you deserved it (6453)
On 05/13/2010 at 12:07am - work - by justkillm3 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42559) - you deserved it (1826)
On 01/26/2010 at 2:35am - love - by Junior (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12467) - you deserved it (3936)
On 01/19/2010 at 6:18pm - intimacy - by kappaomicron (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22452) - you deserved it (2172)
On 01/02/2010 at 3:26am - work - by Labelme (woman) - United States
Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25802) - you deserved it (2158)
On 12/17/2009 at 4:43pm - animals - by ollierocks96 - United States (Florida)
Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17346) - you deserved it (3449)
On 12/15/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Will (man) - United States
Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28318) - you deserved it (4709)
On 12/12/2009 at 12:23am - love - by MarkTheShark (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27724) - you deserved it (10478)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22453) - you deserved it (15031)
On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137045) - you deserved it (10981)
On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35838) - you deserved it (8527)
On 08/08/2009 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by sandwichsex (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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