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About JohnzSexyMamas11 : Im A Pretty Laid Back Chick .. iLove Shopping & Texting & Messaging & iLove Reading Books That Make Me Laugh So Much That iCry .. iLove My Lil Puppy She Is A Pain Though .. iLove Haters & iLove Dinosaurs & Hello Kitty .. iWatch Tv Alot Cause iDont Go To School iAm Home Schooled & iLike Walking Around My Houses .. iCan Be An Outrageous Girl .. iDont Care Who You Are Ill Say What iWant If You Dont Like It Then You Know Where The Door Is :) .. iLove Neon Colors & Pink & Red & Black & Grey & Purple & White .. iLove Rock, Country, Hip Hop, Well All Kinds Except Jazz & Blues .. iHave Lots Of Blonde Moments Lmao .. iLove Zebra Print & Leopard Print .. iLove Drawing & Writing Letter .. If You Wanna Know Anything Else Just Ask
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Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML
Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
Thursday 22 January 2015