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Johnx's favorite FMLs
by Nicks / 07/03/2013 at 11:10am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
by melons / 07/03/2013 at 5:09am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Work
Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So, why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one. FML
by strokesie / 07/03/2013 at 2:56am / United States (Ohio) / Work
by Acidic Donut / 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by opherehehhehe / 06/25/2013 at 12:04am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:37am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML
by Jill / 06/15/2013 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Kids
by instinct / 06/11/2013 at 11:06pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, in class, we were discussing stereotypes. We were asked about common ones about nearby cities. A guy said, "Well, they say Lumberton has the prettiest girls." My teacher asked if any of us were from Lumberton, so I raised my hand. The guy quickly said, "Nevermind." FML
by wellthanks / 06/10/2013 at 1:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We'd been talking about the move where you pick a girl up and kiss, and how romantic that would be, so we decided to try it. When he picked me up, my head slammed against his ceiling fan. FML
by haleyart / 06/10/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love
by Oops / 06/10/2013 at 7:22am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML
by dollabill009 / 06/06/2013 at 4:49am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…