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Today, my old highschool math teacher called me asking if I would please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she is drunk, and declare her eternal love to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you totally deserved it (2345)
On 10/23/2009 at 11:15am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Flevoland)
Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31256) - you totally deserved it (8367)
On 07/24/2009 at 2:40am - love - by vanguardwiley (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55924) - you totally deserved it (3558)
On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51930) - you totally deserved it (1730)
On 07/20/2009 at 11:43am - love - by good_job_john (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15960) - you totally deserved it (40314)
On 07/19/2009 at 6:11am - money - by Unluckyducky (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on a 3 hour plane ride. An elderly man was sitting next to me and before the flight took off, he fell asleep on my shoulder. I decided to be kind and let him sleep. When the flight was about to land, I tried to wake him up. He wouldn't. He died on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70832) - you totally deserved it (2652)
On 07/19/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16329) - you totally deserved it (38299)
On 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by harrysolo (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41259) - you totally deserved it (1559)
On 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by diamondsareforever (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, at work, as a camp counselor, I was discussing how stupid the idea of santa is to a co-worker, and how every parent should tell the truth to their kids. The intercom microphone was on. I single handily told a group of 100 six year olds that santa was not real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8561) - you totally deserved it (40207)
On 07/16/2009 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40283) - you totally deserved it (6097)
On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21285) - you totally deserved it (13575)
On 07/05/2009 at 9:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47715) - you totally deserved it (6750)
On 06/24/2009 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by toomuchmetal (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34142) - you totally deserved it (18148)
On 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by BadBribe (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (61469) - you totally deserved it (4424)
On 06/23/2009 at 4:01am - misc - by Mullbull (man) - United States
Today, a little girl standing next to me on the train suddenly hugged me. I thought maybe she was sad or I reminded her of someone, and hugged her back. Then she smiled, squeezed my lovehandles, and said "Honk, honk!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28326) - you totally deserved it (3782)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:48pm - kids - by squeezable (woman) - United States (New York)
