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About JodeMiVida : An excuse is worse than a lie, because an excuse is a lie guarded.
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Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that black people aren't all lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7360) - you deserved it (493)
On 04/19/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by MI3 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6375) - you deserved it (592)
Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11115) - you deserved it (657)
On 11/18/2011 at 6:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22452) - you deserved it (1659)
On 08/23/2011 at 3:14am - misc - by kykynevs - United States (Illinois)
Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13772) - you deserved it (27879)
On 08/11/2011 at 5:35am - misc - by maryrain - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14158) - you deserved it (899)
On 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18966) - you deserved it (3223)
On 05/19/2011 at 7:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22153) - you deserved it (1741)
On 12/02/2010 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16082) - you deserved it (2090)
On 11/21/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Random Person - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (148999) - you deserved it (22375)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. The girl I met last night came in and said "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8425) - you deserved it (96860)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (170831) - you deserved it (52068)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (255568) - you deserved it (35232)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (372954) - you deserved it (413014)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
I agree, your life sucks (753599) - you deserved it (63711)
On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
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