Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (41 minutes ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13505
  • Number of comments : 469
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Just keeping it irie.

Name's Jocelyn!

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>nomoregoodones</b> - 14 hours ago<b>rushabh97</b> - 18 hours ago<b>gratunka</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 9:57pm<b>edmunson</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 7:53pm<b>Robert3Lee</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 3:47pm<b>Sleepwalking713</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 2:52pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 1:48pm<b>niallo</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 11:38am<b>AyeTee77</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 11:20am<b>christopherwilli</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 10:36am<b>s1s1</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 10:28am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 7:50am<b>pickle682</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 6:49am<b>srinathmatti</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 2:24am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 5:00pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 10:42pm<b>Abskb1</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 3:40am<b>ncbeach22</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 10:16am

Fucked!<b>rushabh97</b> - 12 hours ago<b>edmunson</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 1:54am<b>ncbeach22</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 6:29pm<b>xnighttrain21x</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 5:37pm<b>earlytermination</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 6:21am<b>xninix</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 7:43am<b>newzealand</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 7:58am<b>Shinybaconplays</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 6:04am<b>Twill3422</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 5:46am<b>Feel_Like_Im</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 4:33am<b>StormfrontX33</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 2:04am<b>Nahpets</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 7:47pm<b>tiger820</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 5:21pm<b>gqlmno</b> - the 09/16/2015 at 4:39pm<b>AyeTee77</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 3:37am<b>fastman19</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 1:48pm<b>hotheadslav</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 2:04am<b>Lct1196</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 4:39pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML


I agree, your life sucks (57058) - you deserved it (7366)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46270) - you deserved it (6622)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (38735) - you deserved it (26393)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Respect101 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while ringing up a girl, I asked for an ID to verify her credit card. She said she forgot it but pulls out her Facebook on her phone to show me it really is hers. FML

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52638) - you deserved it (14767)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I went to CVS to buy some tampons. The cashier said, "Ewwww... You're on your period." FML

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47052) - you deserved it (6734)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML


I agree, your life sucks (53913) - you deserved it (11811)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54299) - you deserved it (7087)

On 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm - misc - by Un1ucky (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML


I agree, your life sucks (66029) - you deserved it (9604)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (50212) - you deserved it (7571)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52318) - you deserved it (6456)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (36102) - you deserved it (56446)

On 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm - love - by clueless - United States (California)

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4am. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45918) - you deserved it (4561)

On 05/17/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by frustrated - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51910) - you deserved it (4624)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML
  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: