Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Online | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

3Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5954
  • Number of comments : 401
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>Wrex</b> - 3 hours ago<b>Genius_Kitty</b> - 3 hours ago<b>Trollx</b> - 6 hours ago<b>Jessica0928</b> - 7 hours ago<b>moksha</b> - 12 hours ago<b>Edogg215</b> - 13 hours ago<b>Adam5858</b> - 13 hours ago<b>Lars93</b> - 13 hours ago<b>Klivefrog</b> - 13 hours ago<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - 13 hours ago<b>DaFunnyMa</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Cristian89</b> - 14 hours ago<b>S232Flash</b> - 14 hours ago<b>ncbeach22</b> - 15 hours ago<b>qlortin</b> - 23 hours ago<b>swagmaster696969</b> - yesterday at 10:38pm<b>mathen</b> - yesterday at 5:02pm<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 9:43am

Liked!<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - 7 hours ago<b>Edogg215</b> - 14 hours ago<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 9:04pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

#20988052
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37583) - you deserved it (19124)

On 12/10/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Bangladesh

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43443) - you deserved it (7005)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

#20986479
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56185) - you deserved it (4773)

On 12/09/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by igotpride - United States

Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

#20984257
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48339) - you deserved it (4527)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

#20980172
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40618) - you deserved it (2922)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:50am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

#20975844
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45429) - you deserved it (6458)

On 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm - money - by yulis (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

#20970485
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41781) - you deserved it (5193)

On 11/25/2013 at 6:42pm - misc - by jazopalchris (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59458) - you deserved it (4297)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

#20966742
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49658) - you deserved it (3752)

On 11/22/2013 at 9:49am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML

#20966629
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41691) - you deserved it (7515)

On 11/22/2013 at 5:18am - love - by awkwardpaul - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

#20966555
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39406) - you deserved it (11539)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by InsertPopcicle (woman) - United States

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

#20965985
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27056) - you deserved it (85118)

On 11/21/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

#20964867
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35938) - you deserved it (7180)

On 11/20/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by 43_clothespins_later (woman) - United States (Virginia)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: