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JocelynKaulitz

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JocelynKaulitz

56Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 10243
  • Number of comments : 447
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Just keeping it irie.

Name's Jocelyn!

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

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JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

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JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31768) - you deserved it (18269)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34975) - you deserved it (3243)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

#21253313
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40565) - you deserved it (3859)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36032) - you deserved it (17301)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42063) - you deserved it (8353)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47662) - you deserved it (5391)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52673) - you deserved it (10541)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38754) - you deserved it (7179)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42186) - you deserved it (5980)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42186) - you deserved it (5980)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

#21240784
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37135) - you deserved it (7724)

On 08/19/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by morgie96 - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44801) - you deserved it (16580)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31266) - you deserved it (13771)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)



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