Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

30Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8171
  • Number of comments : 428
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

I feel more satisfied when my comments get thumbed down rather than thumbed up, it's different.

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>kingbubbles</b> - 7 hours ago<b>breaking6883</b> - 18 hours ago<b>a_wiener_d0g</b> - 21 hours ago<b>Devindelon</b> - yesterday at 12:34am<b>sirrubberduckie</b> - yesterday at 12:03am<b>connorgrant98</b> - yesterday at 10:32pm<b>minutepoet</b> - yesterday at 9:34pm<b>emily1015</b> - yesterday at 6:30pm<b>shinklefly</b> - yesterday at 5:43pm<b>brndnmcmillan</b> - yesterday at 5:15pm<b>FBellesLife</b> - yesterday at 4:56pm<b>Ruskiy_Cherep</b> - yesterday at 3:15pm<b>facelick</b> - yesterday at 2:23pm<b>cohenb93</b> - yesterday at 1:27pm<b>ashla8613</b> - yesterday at 12:51pm<b>DarkJediLove</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 9:19am<b>AllKnowingTurtle</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 8:01am<b>thesadboy</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 6:52am

Liked!<b>FBellesLife</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 4:51am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 1:05am<b>IamHercules</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 6:35pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 3:22pm<b>RA91</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 11:31pm<b>jalenthesamoan</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 8:29pm<b>a_wiener_d0g</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 4:03am<b>anonymousguy1569</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 2:57am<b>Sophie_K</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 9:55pm<b>osr215</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 11:08pm<b>yeatesj</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 12:17pm<b>whatshisname1066</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 9:16am<b>gary3768</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 5:36am<b>giantsfan2010</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 5:17am<b>minutepoet</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 8:07pm<b>CCRider</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 7:29am<b>kyle8211</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 12:38am<b>cassiecassie559</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 1:23am

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45210) - you deserved it (6496)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51709) - you deserved it (11299)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

#21166627
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51655) - you deserved it (6777)

On 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm - misc - by Un1ucky (woman) - United States

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

#21159254
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60140) - you deserved it (8485)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47496) - you deserved it (7225)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

#21148414
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49121) - you deserved it (6068)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML

#21145130
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34027) - you deserved it (53242)

On 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm - love - by clueless - United States (California)

Today, I called the cops on a couple who was fighting outside my window at 4am. They hid in the bushes when the cops came, came back out when they left, and started fighting again. FML

#21142655
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43647) - you deserved it (4372)

On 05/17/2014 at 6:11am - misc - by frustrated - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

#21140637
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49839) - you deserved it (4458)

On 05/15/2014 at 1:08pm - health - by bruised_scrotum - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

#21131626
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39644) - you deserved it (4355)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:51pm - health - by randomusername99 - United States (New York)

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

#21129926
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39105) - you deserved it (3186)

On 05/03/2014 at 7:51pm - misc - by shylahrc - United States

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

#21129081
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38959) - you deserved it (3282)

On 05/02/2014 at 8:03pm - work - by i guess (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42145) - you deserved it (8566)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52096) - you deserved it (4710)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted to prove to my dad that I can drive, so that he'd let me use his car in future. Let's just say I helped him remove the fence that he was planning to repair. FML

#21112820
62 comments


FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: