Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

4Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5998
  • Number of comments : 407
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>NazT123</b> - 25 minutes ago<b>Taylor22294</b> - 46 minutes ago<b>mystery_user</b> - 55 minutes ago<b>bjf21</b> - 2 hours ago<b>Schizomaniac</b> - 3 hours ago<b>wastedpenguin</b> - 4 hours ago<b>RedPillSucks</b> - 4 hours ago<b>wanted_2_want</b> - 4 hours ago<b>FrankHotpants</b> - 4 hours ago<b>bkirky</b> - 4 hours ago<b>Pitboss784</b> - 4 hours ago<b>jgwyh</b> - 4 hours ago<b>RapFan21</b> - 5 hours ago<b>stingray112</b> - 5 hours ago<b>battlehamster</b> - 6 hours ago<b>Mornai</b> - 7 hours ago<b>WizardlyUnicorn</b> - 8 hours ago<b>timotay89</b> - 8 hours ago

Liked!<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - 6 hours ago<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 4:23pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 9:04pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22727) - you deserved it (33557) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41850) - you deserved it (3931)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

#21068474
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46263) - you deserved it (7212)

On 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by coppervains (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

#21066687
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24478) - you deserved it (47764)

On 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm - misc - by time to lawyer up (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21879) - you deserved it (38703)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

#21057252
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39005) - you deserved it (22779)

On 02/11/2014 at 3:00pm - misc - by FUUUUCK (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

#21056381
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43876) - you deserved it (5206)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, trying to do something nice for my brother, I filled up his truck's gas tank. I didn't realize until too late that it's a diesel. FML

#21056297
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37321) - you deserved it (19207)

On 02/10/2014 at 1:57pm - misc - by Shooting myself - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

#21048300
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40883) - you deserved it (10304)

On 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm - animals - by foops (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47626) - you deserved it (21011)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41378) - you deserved it (12483)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was reading FML's birthday blog post and saw a picture of myself in it. I would've been happy if it wasn't #4 in the list of worst duckfaces of the week. FML

#21040870
167 comments

Today, my grandma said, "I know you don't have any plans tonight. Do you want to go to bingo with me?" I said sure out of pity, and ended up being her designated driver after she got wasted later in the evening. FML

#21030815
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37351) - you deserved it (4743)

On 01/17/2014 at 12:35pm - misc - by my cheese grater + your dick (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boss hung a dartboard in his office. It has a printout of my employee photo taped to it. FML

#21023884
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37676) - you deserved it (4363)

On 01/10/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by lk mm, n vwls (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

#21022453
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57302) - you deserved it (6943)

On 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: