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JocelynKaulitz

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JocelynKaulitz

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5780
  • Number of comments : 398
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>falloutboy89</b> - 15 hours ago<b>senor_octubre</b> - 16 hours ago<b>flufee2</b> - yesterday at 11:28pm<b>ncbeach22</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 10:51am<b>swharley</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 6:51am<b>mfaizsiddiqui</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 2:56pm<b>danthehuman</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 6:15pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 4:12am<b>WizardlyUnicorn</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 12:15am<b>TheMrJoee</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 4:36pm<b>sybyabraham</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 8:21am<b>EnragedSoviet</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 2:21am<b>higgy6969</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 9:26am<b>Dchag117</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 2:34pm<b>Cacksonic</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 7:22am<b>OPChickenWing</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 6:02am<b>SirMiniHobbit</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 8:42pm<b>jawidm</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 6:53am

Liked!<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 9:04pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, while we were having sex, my boyfriend asked me, "Who's your daddy?" I actually started thinking about my father. Total buzzkill. FML

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

#21093947
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41222) - you deserved it (4654)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

#21093699
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43087) - you deserved it (5593)

On 03/22/2014 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43988) - you deserved it (5745)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34275) - you deserved it (7130)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41409) - you deserved it (4193)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38140) - you deserved it (4310)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

#21091119
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37281) - you deserved it (4947)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53391) - you deserved it (6494)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40474) - you deserved it (19449)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47110) - you deserved it (6670)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old cousin. She scraped her knee, and in an attempt to cheer her up, I put a refrigerator box over my head and waddled around like a penguin. She stopped crying, but only after I fell down a flight of tile stairs. FML

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22601) - you deserved it (33402) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)



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