Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

68Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11953
  • Number of comments : 452
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Just keeping it irie.

Name's Jocelyn!

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>Kidjazzin</b> - 18 hours ago<b>porter1313</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 3:49am<b>BountyBass</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 9:26pm<b>Radgears47</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 4:26pm<b>Abskb1</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 6:37pm<b>booze_n_bitches</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 7:58pm<b>Eman9000</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 7:33pm<b>hallootjes</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 3:35pm<b>ostark</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 12:27pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 10:04pm<b>skitsoloco</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:07pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 8:52pm<b>jguseman</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 4:45pm<b>izkiz</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 6:11pm<b>DeathofCareBear</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 5:13pm<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 8:36pm<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 7:41am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 6:10pm

Fucked!<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:04am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:41pm<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 10:21am<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:34am<b>Raltizal</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 5:22pm<b>NH_Freelancer</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 5:19am<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 5:35am<b>ali282h</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 3:31am<b>rjc490</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 4:58pm<b>tot5t</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 8:00pm<b>natyemi15</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 5:08pm<b>erjgyflover</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 8:25pm<b>atrumX</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 8:07am<b>powerkeep</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 4:09pm<b>Corey122726</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 2:21pm<b>elusiveshame</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 12:37pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 11:57am<b>pks2014</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 2:46am

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my midterm finals for AP Literature. My teacher had good news and bad news for us. The bad news? That he lost the file for our original exam and so had to make a harder exam for us. An exam he told us not to study for. The good news? "Jesus Christ suffered and died for our sins." FML

#21319606
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32544) - you deserved it (3048)

On 12/18/2014 at 7:11am - misc - by subversivepanda (woman) - Guam

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30421) - you deserved it (2513)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

#21313211
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39090) - you deserved it (4000)

On 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm - kids - by terdberglerforlyfe (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

#21311905
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32343) - you deserved it (6967)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48275) - you deserved it (13549)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33501) - you deserved it (5805)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home late from work. As I got out of my car, I noticed a child-shaped silhouette in my bedroom window. I almost shat myself, since I live alone. I searched the whole house, sobbing in fear, only to find no trace of whatever or whoever I'd seen. FML

#21306286
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38331) - you deserved it (3161)

On 11/26/2014 at 3:45pm - misc - by void bowels() { cry(); } (man) - United Kingdom (Caerphilly)

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman, like they're the funniest people on the planet. My name is Elsa. FML

#21297408
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44189) - you deserved it (3859)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm - work - by elsatheannoyed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

#21295452
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31470) - you deserved it (2552)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39243) - you deserved it (5145)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39243) - you deserved it (5145)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30899) - you deserved it (8104)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

#21294602
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46151) - you deserved it (3199)

On 11/08/2014 at 9:09am - intimacy - by betterthanhodor - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

#21293677
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30989) - you deserved it (14373)

On 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm - animals - by dwood08 - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: