Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5528
  • Number of comments : 396
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 11:49am<b>mfaizsiddiqui</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 3:03am<b>CaiDog</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 9:07pm<b>Austrand22</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 6:39pm<b>wrestlelaxskate</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 5:14pm<b>itsjohannna</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 5:40am<b>Queenie2014</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:23pm<b>JustAnotherJose2</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm<b>fuck17</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:35pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 8:41am<b>Daylightscar</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 8:30am<b>Infamous278</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:19pm<b>bjf21</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:59pm<b>Shemp_5</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 10:04am<b>MikeyLean</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 1:42pm<b>XxDanno316xX</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:15pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 5:50pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 11:14pm

Liked!<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 9:04pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

#8821519
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23882) - you deserved it (5809)

On 03/04/2010 at 10:48am - intimacy - by lalararara - United States

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

#8612395
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22930) - you deserved it (4080)

On 02/24/2010 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

#7897076
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7711) - you deserved it (26041)

On 02/05/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, for the past week he has been telling everyone "mummy works as a drug dealer." I'm a pharmacist. FML

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

#7233088
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19774) - you deserved it (6070)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

#6312781
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10884) - you deserved it (19898)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by loldick (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I thought it would be funny to draw a d*ck on my friend's binder while he was out of the class. While perfecting the drawing I realized the class had gone quiet. Looking up I realised my teacher had been watching me. I had to stand up infront of the class and talk about the drawing. FML

#6278567
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6396) - you deserved it (46675)

On 11/12/2009 at 8:32pm - misc - by MaiB (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

#6002369
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19238) - you deserved it (4093)

On 10/26/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by kl (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

#5664241
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36689) - you deserved it (5587)

On 10/05/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

#5276365
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43606) - you deserved it (9847)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:32pm - work - by stillwaiting (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. Why? Our one month old's hair is growing in blonde, and we both have dark hair. Did I cheat? No. I had blonde hair as a child until I was 4... As did every one else born in my family. I guess this factor doesn't count when you're paranoid. FML

#5249359
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50141) - you deserved it (5049)

On 09/14/2009 at 10:13am - love - by babymomma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

#4933603
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54060) - you deserved it (4323)

On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

#4191218
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54359) - you deserved it (10986)

On 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

#3777907
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8247) - you deserved it (52230)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Alex - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML

#2454603
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9409) - you deserved it (51732)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by crunkdrunk (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: