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JocelynKaulitz

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JocelynKaulitz

6Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6045
  • Number of comments : 412
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

I feel more satisfied when my comments get thumbed down rather than thumbed up, it's different.

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JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilarating. Until you actually get caught. FML

#14845323
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10745) - you deserved it (48680)

On 02/04/2011 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69633) - you deserved it (6562)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

#14653951
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40319) - you deserved it (3404)

On 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by fianceeless (man) - United States (California)

Today, I managed to not think too much about how alone I feel living in a strange city, and I went out to find a quiet place to write and eat. After I ordered my meal, I saw that I was the only diner that was sitting alone at a table. Then 'All By Myself' came on the radio. FML

#14040843
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30861) - you deserved it (3164)

On 11/30/2010 at 9:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Italy

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

#13798665
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58869) - you deserved it (3403) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/11/2010 at 3:40am - love - by Anonymous - France

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

#13442397
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36541) - you deserved it (3171)

On 10/14/2010 at 3:15am - misc - by A. - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45858) - you deserved it (14685)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

#13351667
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45858) - you deserved it (14685)

On 10/07/2010 at 2:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML

#13347486
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26486) - you deserved it (3713)

On 10/06/2010 at 9:15pm - kids - by BagelShmear - United States (Florida)

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

#13345855
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8327) - you deserved it (33098)

On 10/06/2010 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

#13291298
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27152) - you deserved it (3854)

On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

#13291298
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27152) - you deserved it (3854)

On 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

#12872316
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32528) - you deserved it (3088)

On 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm - work - by confused (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

#12858268
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28173) - you deserved it (3867)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24731) - you deserved it (48767)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)



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