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JocelynKaulitz

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JocelynKaulitz
  • Town/Country : California, US
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 4184
  • Number of comments : 388
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : 'Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover, and I'm a sinner.
I play my music in the sun.

Name's Jocelyn.

JocelynKaulitz's last visitors

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JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend thought it appropriate to let me know that doing the "duck face" in my Facebook pictures "highlights my mustache." FML

#19951439
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5953) - you deserved it (49270)

On 07/17/2012 at 7:30pm - love - by mustachio101 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

#19950706
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15868) - you deserved it (1219)

On 07/17/2012 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

#19949637
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10282) - you deserved it (37373)

On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

#19946239
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17251) - you deserved it (4796)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by dogmom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

#19927767
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10988) - you deserved it (21063)

On 07/12/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by hot coffee - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

#19915209
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6947) - you deserved it (19051)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by yeastly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

#19908614
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19198) - you deserved it (5635)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:47am - animals - by scorpionsurviver - United States

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

#19844489
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16531) - you deserved it (1769)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

#19841077
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24130) - you deserved it (2719)

On 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Addison - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

#19822088
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23494) - you deserved it (3846)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while giving my fiancé a hand-job, my ring got stuck in his pubes. We had to awkwardly get to the kitchen to get scissors. FML

Today, while giving my fiancé a hand-job, my ring got stuck in his pubes. We had to awkwardly get to the kitchen to get scissors. FML

Today, I discovered that my expensive new shampoo smells exactly like my ex-girlfriend. So now, whenever I shower, I'm showered with depression. FML

#19766559
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22472) - you deserved it (4289)

On 06/10/2012 at 5:14pm - love - by anon - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

#19758301
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14283) - you deserved it (39130)

On 06/09/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

#19736092
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28214) - you deserved it (2541)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm - work - by kufan1324 - United States



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