Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Offline (yesterday at 8:56pm) | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

130Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 14375
  • Number of comments : 477
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Just keeping it irie.

Name's Jocelyn!

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - 15 hours ago<b>duduv2</b> - 19 hours ago<b>ThuNDeY</b> - yesterday at 2:49am<b>scaredpollo</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 2:58am<b>crocks97</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 3:20pm<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 02/04/2016 at 6:22am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 5:56pm<b>insanelocket</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 12:35pm<b>paperbag77</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 8:02am<b>sheeshadevil</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 10:19pm<b>abattior</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 1:32am<b>Mons</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 12:24am<b>Tenker</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 11:24pm<b>ProfessorMctitie</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 11:24pm<b>pks2014</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 8:20pm<b>Shayn_25</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 5:29pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 5:12pm<b>Xandler</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 2:46pm

Fucked!<b>flannelboss27</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 5:41pm<b>JusstJef</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 5:24pm<b>Technastar</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 3:23pm<b>Hrodrik</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 10:03pm<b>ManUtdFan743</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 1:03pm<b>allred1997</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 9:59am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 10:10am<b>pete9913</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 9:34pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 10:01am<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 12:21pm<b>int15</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 8:04pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 5:41am<b>enginsteve</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 5:15am<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 10:15pm<b>clearlyroo440</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 9:01pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 5:40am<b>beeferjay</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 8:17pm<b>Crossing</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 4:48pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47964) - you deserved it (6219)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37352) - you deserved it (7713)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44785) - you deserved it (4510)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41422) - you deserved it (4659)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

#21091119
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40491) - you deserved it (5344)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend stormed out after I suggested to him that his relationship with his mother is maybe a little weird. Apparently having regular, hour-long phone discussions about your penis is a perfectly normal thing for a 23-year-old to have with his mother. FML

#21089774
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59735) - you deserved it (7234)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:14am - intimacy - by tiredofcrazy (woman) - Australia

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44274) - you deserved it (21174)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

#21075644
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50806) - you deserved it (7090)

On 03/02/2014 at 3:44am - love - by ouch (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old cousin. She scraped her knee, and in an attempt to cheer her up, I put a refrigerator box over my head and waddled around like a penguin. She stopped crying, but only after I fell down a flight of tile stairs. FML

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24559) - you deserved it (36285) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44997) - you deserved it (4206)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

#21068474
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51742) - you deserved it (7937)

On 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by coppervains (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

#21066687
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26260) - you deserved it (50760)

On 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm - misc - by time to lawyer up (man) - United States (Texas)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: