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JocelynKaulitz

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JocelynKaulitz
  • Town/Country : California, US
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 4196
  • Number of comments : 388
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : 'Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover, and I'm a sinner.
I play my music in the sun.

Name's Jocelyn.

JocelynKaulitz's last visitors

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

#20054615
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23865) - you deserved it (4143)

On 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

#20051346
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19307) - you deserved it (3995)

On 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21448) - you deserved it (2821)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32223) - you deserved it (9797) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

#20032910
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22821) - you deserved it (2520)

On 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by majorlyturnedoff (woman) - United States

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

#20031010
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29170) - you deserved it (3260)

On 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by Lauren - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

#20028986
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39941) - you deserved it (2696)

On 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by sal (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

#20015021
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22113) - you deserved it (7315)

On 08/11/2012 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

#20014116
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27999) - you deserved it (1928)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm - health - by dumbasdogshit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

#20006198
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7359) - you deserved it (28209)

On 08/06/2012 at 6:08pm - misc - by :$ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

#19991658
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27946) - you deserved it (3711)

On 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by guy - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to buy some beer using my fake ID, when the cute cashier and I started flirting. When he asked me how old I was, I said without thinking, "Nineteen." FML

#19979933
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5312) - you deserved it (49428)

On 07/23/2012 at 4:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

#19974233
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6083) - you deserved it (38931)

On 07/22/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Roma-Jay - United Kingdom (Coventry)



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