Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Online | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

46Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9194
  • Number of comments : 441
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Just keeping it irie.

Name's Jocelyn!

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>robsmit98</b> - 12 minutes ago<b>papygeorges</b> - 26 minutes ago<b>thinblue32</b> - 39 minutes ago<b>steeler088</b> - 46 minutes ago<b>Wondermage</b> - one hour ago<b>jesusalejndr</b> - 14 hours ago<b>BunchieRules</b> - 17 hours ago<b>SurfingPichu</b> - 18 hours ago<b>pavingboy</b> - 18 hours ago<b>Hieroglyph</b> - 20 hours ago<b>barkerman00</b> - yesterday at 3:08am<b>Edogg215</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 7:02pm<b>noway1987</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 2:40pm<b>akkianjum</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 12:59pm<b>LanceGoodthrust</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 9:55am<b>doctorhook86</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 7:01am<b>Dramori</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 6:21am<b>isaias56</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 9:12pm

Liked!<b>papygeorges</b> - just now<b>allstarrider</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 1:24pm<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 1:08pm<b>tyler1916</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:00pm<b>incoherentrmblr</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 3:20am<b>morondon000</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 8:49am<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 10:17am<b>Murkyy</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 1:40pm<b>mikethekid</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 9:56pm<b>MissEris</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 1:38pm<b>whereismyb4con</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 11:46am<b>skyttlz</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 9:19am<b>isaias56</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 8:41pm<b>tazmanmike2013</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 5:08pm<b>twistedtwincity</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 4:43pm<b>jelrid</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:49pm<b>FBellesLife</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 4:51am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 1:05am

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that, due to the walls at my uni dorm being ridiculously thin, my entire flat overheard me lose my virginity. Spanking and all. FML

#21344108
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2569) - you deserved it (722)

On 01/25/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by Orgasmataz (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I drove my dad to Walmart to do some shopping. His leg is still in a cast after an accident, so I helped him to the last mobility scooter. A guy whose only disability was clearly Fat-Fuck Syndrome then yelled at us, claiming he needed it more and that my dad was a faker. FML

#21343482
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21627) - you deserved it (1460)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:25pm - misc - by Elrond Hubbard (man) - United States

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

#21343098
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24462) - you deserved it (3027)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by xoragebaby - United States

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25280) - you deserved it (3478)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

#21340989
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29203) - you deserved it (4407)

On 01/20/2015 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by fun in functioning, I suppose - United States (Mississippi)

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

#21340673
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26864) - you deserved it (3387)

On 01/19/2015 at 11:42pm - intimacy - by BDSM4Jesus - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

#21339980
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32642) - you deserved it (5142)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:35am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

#21338219
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25984) - you deserved it (1908)

On 01/16/2015 at 11:22am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

#21335128
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17495) - you deserved it (25611)

On 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

#21334154
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27127) - you deserved it (7988)

On 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

#21330185
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34193) - you deserved it (6122)

On 01/03/2015 at 7:23pm - love - by allgassedout (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

#21330094
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28138) - you deserved it (1777)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

#21329473
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29038) - you deserved it (8580)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

#21328982
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24574) - you deserved it (11210)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by 30000 - United States (California)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: