Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Online | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5908
  • Number of comments : 398
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>Edogg215</b> - 2 hours ago<b>mathen</b> - 18 hours ago<b>ncbeach22</b> - 22 hours ago<b>senor_octubre</b> - 24 hours ago<b>xxnick2dmaxx</b> - yesterday at 5:34am<b>sammiesorrow29</b> - yesterday at 11:52pm<b>mfaizsiddiqui</b> - yesterday at 3:21pm<b>Wrex</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 10:49am<b>maxyutd</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 1:53am<b>gingerJ</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 6:18pm<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 6:13pm<b>Faddyy6</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 10:56am<b>Metcape</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 5:02pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 4:35pm<b>falloutboy89</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 4:53pm<b>flufee2</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 11:28pm<b>swharley</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 6:51am<b>danthehuman</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 6:15pm

Liked!<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 9:04pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31694) - you deserved it (6069)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35251) - you deserved it (6497)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39496) - you deserved it (5607)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39496) - you deserved it (5607)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

#21240784
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35587) - you deserved it (7599)

On 08/19/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by morgie96 - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40428) - you deserved it (14852)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30376) - you deserved it (13472)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34108) - you deserved it (5541)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44680) - you deserved it (7365)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

#21238336
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17476) - you deserved it (33565)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm - money - by thoughthewasjoking (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

#21237592
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14799) - you deserved it (69748)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by oops - United States (California)

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

#21235982
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38236) - you deserved it (8999)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

#21235555
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25301) - you deserved it (31642)

On 08/12/2014 at 2:07am - misc - by kirstyrd - United States (Michigan)

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

#21230914
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41906) - you deserved it (9118)

On 08/06/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by beaverfever (man) - Poland (Zachodniopomorskie)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48614) - you deserved it (21125)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: