Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JocelynKaulitz

Offline (23 hours ago) | Search for a member

JocelynKaulitz

12Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6439
  • Number of comments : 417
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About JocelynKaulitz : Working customer service at Target for over a year has made me hate people.

Name's Jocelyn.

I feel more satisfied when my comments get thumbed down rather than thumbed up, it's different.

JocelynKaulitz's page activity

Visits<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - 3 hours ago<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - 23 hours ago<b>IAreBox</b> - yesterday at 4:17pm<b>Lessac</b> - yesterday at 1:54pm<b>Garrett2818</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 11:28pm<b>GrinchFu1</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 8:20pm<b>FaultInMyStars</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 6:12pm<b>WeChaseClouds</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 4:02pm<b>DedicatedNova</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 1:44pm<b>RainbowSkyCloud</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 1:22pm<b>MNBOY16</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 9:51am<b>NotAUser</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 4:23pm<b>skyttlz</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 2:42am<b>steventhellama</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 11:51pm<b>sadbubbles</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 8:57am<b>doofusrabbit</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 7:00pm<b>JuggaloSimms1441</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 10:33am<b>tmacc96</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 12:25am

Liked!<b>mrchubbz13</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 4:49pm<b>MNBOY16</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 3:52pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 7:11am<b>crockracks</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 4:48pm<b>GrinchFu1</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:33am<b>Birdbath123</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 11:51am<b>xcarlito615x</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 5:53pm<b>Thenextguyover</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 12:12pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 11:11am<b>inowhtthefoxsays</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 10:48pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 4:23pm<b>Booda_Shun</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 9:04pm

JocelynKaulitz's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of JocelynKaulitz's badges

JocelynKaulitz's favorite FMLs

Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML

#21258033
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (16947)

On 09/14/2014 at 12:38pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

#21253662
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34402) - you deserved it (3225)

On 09/07/2014 at 11:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

#21253313
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37768) - you deserved it (3396)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33612) - you deserved it (15797)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39048) - you deserved it (7934)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

#21249014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42556) - you deserved it (4401)

On 08/31/2014 at 11:14am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50392) - you deserved it (9705)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37483) - you deserved it (6736)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41527) - you deserved it (5686)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41527) - you deserved it (5686)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

#21240784
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36874) - you deserved it (7694)

On 08/19/2014 at 12:11am - kids - by morgie96 - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43050) - you deserved it (16148)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31158) - you deserved it (13704)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35160) - you deserved it (5622)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: