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Jmetzger117

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Jmetzger117

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 292
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Jmetzger117's favorite FMLs

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

#4525487
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40222) - you deserved it (21339)

On 08/14/2009 at 1:10pm - animals - by Butterflyguy (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

#4412147
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49712) - you deserved it (2608)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by roobb (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

#4196733
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56157) - you deserved it (2340)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68872) - you deserved it (3699)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94325) - you deserved it (19949)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

#2244608
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40390) - you deserved it (139807)

On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

#2116644
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62905) - you deserved it (3487)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by lm (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

#1023184
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12430) - you deserved it (69157)

On 04/16/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by StewPit (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

#305736
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66190) - you deserved it (26830)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
503 comments

I agree, your life sucks (228600) - you deserved it (80523)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

#14536
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26084) - you deserved it (6133)

On 02/08/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

#5350
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14652) - you deserved it (61734)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Randy Savage (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML

#767
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35725) - you deserved it (7598)

On 12/31/2008 at 10:45pm - kids - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

#298
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27634) - you deserved it (15772)

On 11/13/2008 at 6:39am - kids - by pinpin - Sent from mobile version



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