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Jmetzger117

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Jmetzger117

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  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 346
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Jmetzger117's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML

#18998575
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21860) - you deserved it (4340)

On 02/05/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by oh.geez (woman) - United States

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

#18898180
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21816) - you deserved it (3592)

On 01/24/2012 at 11:42am - work - by communistgirl (woman) - United States

Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML

#18775724
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26591) - you deserved it (6810)

On 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Arab Emirates

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

#18583551
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21053) - you deserved it (3616)

On 12/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by bellerz14 - United States

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

#18516515
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18980) - you deserved it (9519)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:00am - love - by scribbles1475 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11003) - you deserved it (87404)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

#18188542
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30542) - you deserved it (2521)

On 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm - work - by lprocter1982 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

#18039986
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16919) - you deserved it (30705)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30151) - you deserved it (5655)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30387) - you deserved it (4647)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, some cops came to my house saying that the neighbors thought the party I was having was too loud and obnoxious. It was my grandmother's 86 birthday party. FML

#17400862
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26937) - you deserved it (2489)

On 08/07/2011 at 9:49pm - misc - by Paul - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

#17381048
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29973) - you deserved it (3762)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML

#17267677
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29104) - you deserved it (17665)

On 07/26/2011 at 1:07pm - misc - by frankkathy - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML

#17226602
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28500) - you deserved it (4182)

On 07/23/2011 at 3:49am - love - by MaHalKiTa (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

#16918734
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51080) - you deserved it (4734)

On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)



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