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Offline (the 03/09/2015 at 5:56am) | Search for a member
About Jjan04 : Taken
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Today,hile I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like mah mom's pulled up!! Thinking it was actually her, I walked up an jokingly asked wat she was into!! The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute!! FML
Today... Wila I Was Fooling Around Wit Ma Grlfriand... Sa Urt Ar And. It Obviously Wasn't Vary Sarious... So I Told Ar To Stop Faking It. Sa Raspondd... ( Wanna Know Wat I Actually Faka? My Orgasms. ) FML
Today I introduced my girlfriend to my parents despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger y not if she'd ever consider it in future and to keep them in mind if she does. FML
Today... my 8-year-old cummed home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole looool class to write about how they felt when they lerened that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML
Today , I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see wat it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room , build momentum , an launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. real FML
today I woke up wit a raging angover . I soon cecked ma pone.. . only to find tat I'd drunkenly sent nude picture to several friends' numbers.. . as well as to ma own . I'd ten replied to ma own message.. . saying tat I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off . FML
Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As mah coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the frst time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into mah back as I pretended to resist. FML
Today, I was all set to loose my virginity to my girlfriend!! I was ecstatic, until she threatend to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her!! The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to loose my boner and have to leave in shame!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015