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Jirekianu2's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
by gutted / 05/06/2012 at 10:13pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 7:44am / United States / Health
by anon / 04/28/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML
by Diffy / 04/26/2012 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
by ultraattitude / 04/22/2012 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
by Madeline Lee / 04/09/2012 at 5:34pm / France (Aquitaine) / Intimacy
by psychoticbiatch / 04/08/2012 at 9:58am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML
by Sadboy / 04/06/2012 at 10:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
by displeased / 04/05/2012 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML
by jackmehoffa / 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by thammer / 03/27/2012 at 8:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by Anon / 03/23/2012 at 10:42pm / United States / Health
by Confused / 03/23/2012 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
by tellingthetruth / 03/21/2012 at 12:25pm / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack… Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a… Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the…