About JimmyHopkins : I kill people for a living.....
JimmyHopkins's FML badges
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I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
JimmyHopkins's favorite FMLs
by meesmees / 11/23/2013 at 5:48am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML
by Shady_Soldier / 10/31/2013 at 4:41am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 3:15am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by areyoukiddingme / 01/07/2013 at 1:09am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
by mandy / 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
by karmasabitch / 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
by MrCanoe / 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
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- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, I returned home from college. I found out that my dad ran over my cat months ago and tried… 3Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After…