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Jezzebel1

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Jezzebel1

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 24 May 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 963
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Jezzebel1's page activity

Visits<b>Baucis</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 3:34pm

Jezzebel1's FML badges

50 favourites

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Jezzebel1's favorite FMLs

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (6213)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34887) - you deserved it (3025)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I realised I was far too attached to my duvet. Literally. I just got a large tattoo on my back, and my duvet somehow stuck to my skin during the night and formed part of the scab. I now have the joy of deciding whether to tear it off fast or peel it away slowly. FML

#21306764
65 comments

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37615) - you deserved it (10613)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend thought she would "save me some time" by spoiling Game of Thrones. FML

#21288916
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28147) - you deserved it (3698)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:46am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

#21287735
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31525) - you deserved it (3136)

On 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm - kids - by lexigan4 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

#21286332
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49037) - you deserved it (3472)

On 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm - love - by subduedbeast - United States

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32604) - you deserved it (4552)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37812) - you deserved it (5924)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31511) - you deserved it (15635)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML

#21276776
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33558) - you deserved it (4570)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

#21273575
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38189) - you deserved it (3606)

On 10/08/2014 at 2:48pm - misc - by allergic_to_bull (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

#21270191
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31451) - you deserved it (3710)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:22pm - misc - by sisterofthebride (woman) - United States



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