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Offline (the 11/14/2014 at 2:12pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 16 September 1984 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2771
  • Number of comments : 213
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Jessj958's page activity

Visits<b>MrEldritch</b> - the 10/17/2016 at 4:27pm<b>frogger0709</b> - the 09/29/2016 at 8:37pm<b>TheGamerXYZ</b> - the 09/27/2016 at 4:06pm<b>AlphaPrince13</b> - the 09/24/2016 at 2:12am<b>Cyrus00</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 4:34pm<b>jdonofs</b> - the 08/21/2016 at 2:39pm<b>withered</b> - the 08/05/2016 at 5:42am<b>54754N4</b> - the 07/07/2016 at 2:10pm<b>eyepuppy</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 6:12am<b>moodyreallyrocks</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 11:48pm<b>_Adog2645</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 10:01am<b>thinlinetele</b> - the 06/08/2016 at 11:32pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 2:54pm<b>bolee997</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 8:13pm<b>Zatert</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 1:01pm<b>Frowny</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 4:23am<b>Blizzicus</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 4:57pm<b>wjohn717</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 9:07am

Fucked!<b>thinlinetele</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 5:32am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 2:30am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 11:59pm<b>monstermatt001</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 11:27pm<b>shivamtrivedi</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 7:58pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 10:09pm<b>thatguyybrian</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 7:00am<b>robertd73</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 6:16am<b>seeoseek</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 12:05am

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Jessj958's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

by some people's parents / 04/18/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Colorado) / Money

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2013 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

by birdiebeth13 / 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

by Zxz / 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

by soakedga / 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

by badparent / 04/08/2013 at 12:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

by poopy pants / 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

by flea-bitten / 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm / United States / Work

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

by dating walter white's gf apparently / 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

by yeah why not / 04/06/2013 at 1:06pm / Norway / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

by ohgodwhy / 04/06/2013 at 10:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

by Evalynne / 04/06/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous