Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

Jessj958

Search for a member

Jessj958
  • Town/Country : Santa Rosa Beach, FL, USA, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 16 September 1984 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 407
  • Number of comments : 157
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Jessj958's last visitors

EbolasuoerkewlxALEXxDDCABehind_wallshappylappybendboysarmy_of_misfitslukeyhoward79236WizardofWaxinAss

Jessj958's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

See all of Jessj958's badges

Jessj958's favorite FMLs

Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

#20609608
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60706) - you deserved it (5639)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:20am - intimacy - by loving wife - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

#20607466
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42890) - you deserved it (5430)

On 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

#20601228
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39185) - you deserved it (3956)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:01am - money - by some people's parents - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to explain to a woman why she wasn't allowed to squeeze all the contents of the sample lotion bottle into her own bottle. She threw a fit, and dumped the whole bottle on my head. FML

#20601226
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37219) - you deserved it (3122)

On 04/18/2013 at 12:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong. FML

#20583566
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31655) - you deserved it (14864)

On 04/10/2013 at 1:41pm - work - by birdiebeth13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

#20580991
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32354) - you deserved it (4366)

On 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm - misc - by Zxz - Canada

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

#20580594
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27164) - you deserved it (2577)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm - work - by soakedga - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

#20580049
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34926) - you deserved it (4505)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by badparent (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

#20579905
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29562) - you deserved it (6071)

On 04/07/2013 at 9:47pm - health - by poopy pants - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

#20577745
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37548) - you deserved it (2749)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40268) - you deserved it (8087)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

#20577504
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (1702)

On 04/06/2013 at 1:06pm - misc - by yeah why not (woman) - Norway

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents when a sex scene came on. As if that wasn't awkward enough, they started making out on the couch behind me. FML

#20577290
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46222) - you deserved it (3239)

On 04/06/2013 at 10:15am - intimacy - by ohgodwhy - Canada (Ontario)



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML’s Roommates from hell
  • If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…

Monday 20 May 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: