JessieMongoose

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JessieMongoose

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2295
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About JessieMongoose : .ebyaM .looc adnik ma I dna ,meG si eman yM

JessieMongoose's page activity

Visits<b>CaseyOfAsgard</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 9:48pm<b>tinytitan98</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 2:32pm<b>thisguy184</b> - the 04/16/2014 at 3:44pm<b>CptObvious98</b> - the 04/12/2014 at 12:33am<b>dianafuentes</b> - the 08/21/2013 at 4:29pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 10:31pm<b>schoolgirlFML</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 11:49pm<b>malheartsnutmeg</b> - the 06/28/2013 at 3:13pm<b>Doritozilla</b> - the 06/16/2013 at 1:35am<b>CholoChino</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 12:45pm<b>randomburger</b> - the 05/27/2013 at 11:45am<b>the_fat_rob</b> - the 05/17/2013 at 10:08am<b>Lil_ND800</b> - the 03/29/2013 at 5:50pm<b>xopher425</b> - the 02/07/2013 at 10:12am<b>MichiSixx</b> - the 12/19/2012 at 6:39am<b>A83</b> - the 05/02/2012 at 5:38pm<b>NamelessNeko</b> - the 03/30/2012 at 2:27pm<b>enjoooy</b> - the 07/17/2011 at 10:09am

JessieMongoose's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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JessieMongoose's favorite FMLs

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

by Anonyme / 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm / Love

Today, after weeks of drinking my mom's vodka and replacing it with water, it now only tastes like water. She has a habit of drinking on Fridays. Today is Friday. My life is a ticking time bomb. FML

by UhOh / 07/08/2011 at 4:38pm / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

by Username / 07/08/2011 at 4:02pm / United States / Health

Today, I realized I have no life after I created a fake Facebook account, posted an insulting message on my wall, and then engaged in a vicious argument with it, just so I could impress my friends. FML

by jen / 07/08/2011 at 10:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

by ashhatches / 06/27/2011 at 3:15pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

by nofriends / 06/01/2011 at 12:28am / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

by valerie / 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Utah) / Transportation

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 7:09am / Love

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

by gayboii / 03/19/2011 at 5:37pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

by CLH / 01/25/2011 at 1:08pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML

by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen / 08/04/2010 at 3:58am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game at midnight. I'm tired, I don't want to stand around any more, and all the people around around me are debating super heroes. I'm living in an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory.' FML

by notanerd / 03/09/2010 at 12:12am / United States / Geek

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

by esb / 08/13/2009 at 11:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy