About Jessica0928 : I like to read, travel, shop in thrift/antique stores, I love anything vintage. I like to cook and bake, go camping and quadding, play volleyball, and hang out with friends. I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. I love music; some favorites are Ed Sheeran, Adele, The Civil Wars, Sleeping With Sirens, Rixton, and I Am They. Some favorite TV shows would be Vampire Diaries, American Horror Story, True Blood, Game of Thrones, HIMYM, Modern Family, New Girl, Bates Motel, and Dexter. I love anything makeup or beauty-related; I'm an aspiring makeup artist. My dream would be to move into the mountains in a little cabin and have a herd of goats :P I'm a diehard Harry Potter fan. I am also a Pinterest addict. Yup, that's about it.....
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Jessica0928's favorite FMLs
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML
by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by msmidnight1965 / 09/22/2013 at 1:22pm / Canada / Kids
by OldHabitsDieHard / 09/18/2013 at 10:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
by NotGabe / 09/01/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML
by NewBride / 08/14/2013 at 1:39pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals
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