Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Jessey

Search for a member

Jessey

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 4 April 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 20966
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Jessey : Hahahaha...

Jessey's page activity

Visits<b>brianjman14</b> - the 02/20/2012 at 10:19pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:31pm<b>Tundra234</b> - the 06/30/2009 at 11:55pm<b>Cerule</b> - the 06/19/2009 at 4:23pm<b>yesitstrue</b> - the 06/19/2009 at 10:22am<b>emmerphone</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 4:00pm<b>blacknote</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 3:56pm<b>jumpingbean13</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 2:38pm<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 2:25pm<b>5PoPpIn6DrOpPiN</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 5:31pm<b>dimesyn2</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 4:39pm<b>kallemonster</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 11:29am<b>porcupunk</b> - the 05/15/2009 at 8:32am<b>krazzygood</b> - the 05/10/2009 at 8:39pm<b>nafur15</b> - the 05/10/2009 at 6:33pm<b>markjbon</b> - the 05/07/2009 at 10:42am<b>lmccartin</b> - the 05/06/2009 at 9:35pm

Jessey's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Jessey's favorite FMLs

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

#6487982
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (3427)

On 11/28/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Orangehead (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59280) - you deserved it (15284)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

#5185594
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39221) - you deserved it (5948)

On 09/11/2009 at 10:48am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

#4777609
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35881) - you deserved it (6883)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21603) - you deserved it (38923)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

#4696975
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58782) - you deserved it (3404)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

#4663591
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48447) - you deserved it (10334)

On 08/19/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by Rainbow92 (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

#4606857
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36068) - you deserved it (20398)

On 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

#4606159
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70258) - you deserved it (8190)

On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

#4499384
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67920) - you deserved it (7623)

On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

#4275637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43663) - you deserved it (18910)

On 08/04/2009 at 3:55am - love - by Ouchithurt (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66983) - you deserved it (15333)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

#4073449
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66824) - you deserved it (4386)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:32am - misc - by Anon (woman) - Singapore

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

#3921342
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42894) - you deserved it (27802)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: