Jessey

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Jessey

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 4 April 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 21375
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Jessey : Hahahaha...

Jessey's page activity

Visits<b>DavidHS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 3:21am<b>brianjman14</b> - the 02/20/2012 at 10:19pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:31pm<b>Tundra234</b> - the 06/30/2009 at 11:55pm<b>Cerule</b> - the 06/19/2009 at 4:23pm<b>yesitstrue</b> - the 06/19/2009 at 10:22am<b>emmerphone</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 4:00pm<b>blacknote</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 3:56pm<b>jumpingbean13</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 2:38pm<b>hellomynameisril</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 2:25pm<b>5PoPpIn6DrOpPiN</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 5:31pm<b>dimesyn2</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 4:39pm<b>kallemonster</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 11:29am<b>porcupunk</b> - the 05/15/2009 at 8:32am<b>krazzygood</b> - the 05/10/2009 at 8:39pm<b>nafur15</b> - the 05/10/2009 at 6:33pm<b>markjbon</b> - the 05/07/2009 at 10:42am<b>lmccartin</b> - the 05/06/2009 at 9:35pm

Jessey's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Jessey's favorite FMLs

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

by Orangehead / 11/28/2009 at 12:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2009 at 3:09am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

by NotThatKind / 08/24/2009 at 12:28am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2009 at 12:01am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

by Rainbow92 / 08/19/2009 at 7:43pm / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Health

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

by ZSL / 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

by esb / 08/13/2009 at 11:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

by Ouchithurt / 08/04/2009 at 3:55am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

by Anon / 07/27/2009 at 3:32am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML

by emperor / 07/21/2009 at 1:38am / Bangladesh (Dhaka) / Miscellaneous