JesseN

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JesseN

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 27 July 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2352
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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JesseN's page activity

Visits<b>sexaaydino</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 1:24pm<b>badluckdawson</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 4:28am<b>Faith13</b> - the 07/03/2013 at 3:13pm<b>Scro</b> - the 06/27/2013 at 10:22am<b>MonsterBunnie</b> - the 06/22/2013 at 3:15am

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JesseN's favorite FMLs

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

by Hannah / 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

by Gavin / 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy

Today, my job at a luxurious retirement community was terminated when I ran over an old lady with my work golf cart. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

by dealingdave / 12/19/2011 at 7:24am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took a poop that was three states of matter. Solid, liquid, and gas. FML

by brownunderwear / 12/13/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 9:00am / Malaysia / Work

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

by Jess / 12/04/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against him when he reached around, grabbed my boobs, and started making "pew-pew" laser noises, all in front of his family. I can't believe I'm dating this child. FML

by Sidney / 11/04/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

by funnymanjoe / 09/14/2011 at 7:06am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2011 at 8:05am / Reserved / Miscellaneous

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

by cjay2200 / 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Kids

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 5:36pm / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Work